my Papa and my Father

Papa...

Christmas is around the corner

and



This is the first time I’m scared of Christmas
This is the first time I feel like to skip the most wonderful month of the year
This is the first time Christmas struggle me in my mind and my heart





All of these years...
I never fail to  expecting-enjoy-rejoicing in Christmas for many reasons. Last year was great! around this time I was on my way to home...after so many years spending Christmas in other places...other than my home-my hometown...my heart filled and full of joy.

This year...
every hope
every joy
every fun
every Christmas thing
...seems to fade away
...looks dim in my sight
...sound weird in my ears



I don't know...I'm scared to know...how Christmas would be? 

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That's because of you are no longer with us 

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I'm struggling within me
I'm fighting against me


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I don't want this suffering to overwhelm . overcome . defeat me 

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for 1 reason: my JOY is in the LORD alone!

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only God and God alone is the source of my joy

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I can feel the pain is real
I know it beating me down

but

I don't want to give up my joy for the lie that evil put in my heart!

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The joy  of Christmas is not in my Papa
The joy of Christmas is in my Father 

---------------


---------------

This Christmas will also a wonderful and joyful time!
even more!

knowing that...

my Papa is in eternal joy and peace with my Father in heaven

---------------

Merry Christmas Papa! 


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