Escape Accident
my first experience with the kids: separated by the sea .overnight!.
i know well what is 'FULL TIME' mom means .literally!. since my kids were born...I am a FULL TIME mom around the clock...never leave them alone. Daddy have travelled anywhere even cross the continent but not for me...my desire is always be with them and if i go then we are all go together...that makes me happy!
after all the discussion and arrangement...i don't have choice other than to leave them behind for one day
i'm OK with that but not my mind
. the anxiety start to trouble my mind
. my mind picturing the all possibilities "how if" and i'm just go with it...NO effort to stop it!
. the more i think about it the more anxiety i felt
on the top of it...many people talking about "the big earthquake" that haunted the region *Oh NO!*
just a week before my departure...
early in the morning as i prepare the kids for school
i share my troble mind to Torkis and his response was
"come on....it doesn't make any different we are here or not...if earthquake come...nothing we can do"
yeah he is right! but my mind just can't make peace with it...
so with that kind of trouble mind i went down with the kids waiting for the school bus...
---> the unexpected thing!
when we reach the first floor Calvin told me that he forgot one of his homework...so i send him up by himself to take the file and as the bus was there so i send Rebecca to the bus and came back to the lift and waiting for Calvin there
This things happen a few times, i used to wait in front of the lift until Calvin came down with his homework and then together we cross the street to the pick-up point
that particular morning...
. i've been waiting and waiting but Calvin didn't show up
. it was longer that it used to be
. i was wondering...there must be something wrong ups there
so bring all the elevator to the first floor *there are 3 lift*...and...took one of them up...in case Calvin order for the lift ups there then i will arrive first
came to my surprise...
. Calvin was not there!
. while the other 2 lift still on the 1st floor!
"WHERE IS HE?!"
i was running toward the lift when i saw down there the school bus moving which means he was on the bus already!
2 women down there gave me a sign...and...first in my mind...something bad just happened!
. one of them call me
. the other one came to me and told the story
.................................
i can feel...
. my heart was pumping faster
. my legs and hands shaking
. i can't even stand properly
i feel like all the anxiety and worries that i carry for the past few days exploded in my mind
after that i went to the room and start to cry
can you imagine at the peak of anxiety this thing happen!!!*great*
. blaming myself for being so .impatient .careless .ignorance
. my mind picturing all the bad possibilities that might be happened
. i was panic
. i was helpless
. i was devastated
until Torkis step in the room and calm me down then he pray for me...
but i knew exactly...WHY is not the question!...so silently i pray...
"God give me strength...make me understand...coz...only You can satify my mind"
then...
i can hear the Holy Spirit wishper...i knew exactly it was not came out from me
it was like wake-up alarm ringing loudly in my mind! *WAKE YOUR SPIRIT UP!!!*
. i've been busy
. i've been putting all the burden over my shoulder
. i've been putting God out of the picture when i making friend with the anxiety
...............................................
slowly i became more and more composed...then...i took a shower, dress up and went to Calvin's school
at the school i ask permission from teacher to talk to Calvin personally
i brought him to the corner...
: "Calvin are u scare with the things that happen in the morning?"
: "Mommy i was so cool! i was running but when i stop the car stop too...this distance mommy *his hand show the close distance between him and the car* after that i run zig zag to the bus...wooohoo it was great!"
i was like "WHAT?!" it was Good . Funny yet Scary...
. good --- that he don't have that trauma
. funny --- the way he response to that circumstance
. scary --- he didn't understand the he just escape from the accident
*try to compose myself again and manage my voice tones*
: "Calvin something bad might be happen...bla...bla...bla"
from his face i can see he got the point
:"actually mommy can't protect you anytime...it is only Jesus can protect you all the time perfectly...now mommy want to pray...commit you into Jesus's hands"
he folded his hand, bow down and close his eyes and i start to pray...
i can feel the big burden taken away from my mind and my heart
...................
back from the school i decided to have a relax time after so much things happen in the morning...
when i'm relax...
. God gave me the real picture
. i can pin point what is wrong
. put everything in the right box
----------------------------------
. instead of blaming myself for unreasonable things
. instead of being helpless with the circumstances
...now i can see and understand what's wrong and fix it
----------------------------------
here are the things...
1. Calvin told me that he took the stairs instead of lift
that's the reason...
. he took longer that it used to be
. the lift didn't move at all
2. In the past after he came down
. i grab his hand and cross the street: RUNNING
. that morning...he was driven by that bad habit *running*
3. He is well trained by us to cross the street but why he was so careless that morning
. he is panic!
. i'm the one who create that panic in his mind
. I always says "faster! the bus will leave you!"
. the word was in his mind when he cross the street
. he gave me the same statement when i ask him...
"why don't you look to the left and right before cross the street?!"
Holy Spirit was not stop there...then He slowly teach me how to deal with that...
Tomorrow morning...
1. Go down late
2. Let Calvin see the bus is already there
3. On the way down say it many times "don't worry bus will wait for us"
...and dot it many times! it is the process to detox the poison from his mind!
when the Holy Spirit move...He will give a perfect guidance!
...................Jesus was not stop there...He answer all my prayer!!!....................
Neighbours knew that we gonna away for a day...so they gave us support
. some of them promise to pass our flat and checking on the kids
. some of them promise to call and checking on the kids
. some of them pray for us
at last...just a day before my departure...
God strengthen me through my buddy...Elvira *thank you buddy!* i share with her and she gave me this statement
"if God gives you vision He will make you provision"
the statement came from the man that facing a challenge time: Ps. Kong Hee
and that wisdom wrap-up everything perfectly and just in time before i leave!
..........when i count on myself : i'm hopeless
..........when i rest in the Lord : i got everything that i need
i know well what is 'FULL TIME' mom means .literally!. since my kids were born...I am a FULL TIME mom around the clock...never leave them alone. Daddy have travelled anywhere even cross the continent but not for me...my desire is always be with them and if i go then we are all go together...that makes me happy!
after all the discussion and arrangement...i don't have choice other than to leave them behind for one day
i'm OK with that but not my mind
. the anxiety start to trouble my mind
. my mind picturing the all possibilities "how if" and i'm just go with it...NO effort to stop it!
. the more i think about it the more anxiety i felt
on the top of it...many people talking about "the big earthquake" that haunted the region *Oh NO!*
"things getting worst when you don't stop the evil in the first place before he feed your mind with his plan!"
just a week before my departure...
early in the morning as i prepare the kids for school
i share my troble mind to Torkis and his response was
"come on....it doesn't make any different we are here or not...if earthquake come...nothing we can do"
yeah he is right! but my mind just can't make peace with it...
so with that kind of trouble mind i went down with the kids waiting for the school bus...
---> the unexpected thing!
when we reach the first floor Calvin told me that he forgot one of his homework...so i send him up by himself to take the file and as the bus was there so i send Rebecca to the bus and came back to the lift and waiting for Calvin there
This things happen a few times, i used to wait in front of the lift until Calvin came down with his homework and then together we cross the street to the pick-up point
that particular morning...
. i've been waiting and waiting but Calvin didn't show up
. it was longer that it used to be
. i was wondering...there must be something wrong ups there
so bring all the elevator to the first floor *there are 3 lift*...and...took one of them up...in case Calvin order for the lift ups there then i will arrive first
came to my surprise...
. Calvin was not there!
. while the other 2 lift still on the 1st floor!
"WHERE IS HE?!"
i was running toward the lift when i saw down there the school bus moving which means he was on the bus already!
2 women down there gave me a sign...and...first in my mind...something bad just happened!
. one of them call me
. the other one came to me and told the story
.................................
when i was on the way up..............................
calvin reached the ground
and
he was runing and cross the road without looking left-right
one of the car almost hit him
and
everybody screaming
there is a high school just behind our block so the traffic is heavy every morning
i can feel...
. my heart was pumping faster
. my legs and hands shaking
. i can't even stand properly
i feel like all the anxiety and worries that i carry for the past few days exploded in my mind
after that i went to the room and start to cry
can you imagine at the peak of anxiety this thing happen!!!*great*
. blaming myself for being so .impatient .careless .ignorance
. my mind picturing all the bad possibilities that might be happened
. i was panic
. i was helpless
. i was devastated
until Torkis step in the room and calm me down then he pray for me...
but i knew exactly...WHY is not the question!...so silently i pray...
"God give me strength...make me understand...coz...only You can satify my mind"
then...
i can hear the Holy Spirit wishper...i knew exactly it was not came out from me
even you are here...nothing you can do!
protect him is MY part!
you've been worry how you do MY part! which is you can't...
why you worry so much my daughter?!...
i'll do it for you...
even when you are not around
it was like wake-up alarm ringing loudly in my mind! *WAKE YOUR SPIRIT UP!!!*
. i've been busy
. i've been putting all the burden over my shoulder
. i've been putting God out of the picture when i making friend with the anxiety
...............................................
slowly i became more and more composed...then...i took a shower, dress up and went to Calvin's school
at the school i ask permission from teacher to talk to Calvin personally
i brought him to the corner...
: "Calvin are u scare with the things that happen in the morning?" : "Mommy i was so cool! i was running but when i stop the car stop too...this distance mommy *his hand show the close distance between him and the car* after that i run zig zag to the bus...wooohoo it was great!"i was like "WHAT?!" it was Good . Funny yet Scary...
. good --- that he don't have that trauma
. funny --- the way he response to that circumstance
. scary --- he didn't understand the he just escape from the accident
*try to compose myself again and manage my voice tones*
: "Calvin something bad might be happen...bla...bla...bla"from his face i can see he got the point
:"actually mommy can't protect you anytime...it is only Jesus can protect you all the time perfectly...now mommy want to pray...commit you into Jesus's hands"he folded his hand, bow down and close his eyes and i start to pray...
i can feel the big burden taken away from my mind and my heart
...................
back from the school i decided to have a relax time after so much things happen in the morning...
when i'm relax...
. God gave me the real picture
. i can pin point what is wrong
. put everything in the right box
----------------------------------
. instead of blaming myself for unreasonable things
. instead of being helpless with the circumstances
...now i can see and understand what's wrong and fix it
----------------------------------
here are the things...
1. Calvin told me that he took the stairs instead of lift
that's the reason...
. he took longer that it used to be
. the lift didn't move at all
2. In the past after he came down
. i grab his hand and cross the street: RUNNING
. that morning...he was driven by that bad habit *running*
3. He is well trained by us to cross the street but why he was so careless that morning
. he is panic!
. i'm the one who create that panic in his mind
. I always says "faster! the bus will leave you!"
. the word was in his mind when he cross the street
. he gave me the same statement when i ask him...
"why don't you look to the left and right before cross the street?!"
Holy Spirit was not stop there...then He slowly teach me how to deal with that...
Tomorrow morning...
1. Go down late
2. Let Calvin see the bus is already there
3. On the way down say it many times "don't worry bus will wait for us"
...and dot it many times! it is the process to detox the poison from his mind!
when the Holy Spirit move...He will give a perfect guidance!
...................Jesus was not stop there...He answer all my prayer!!!....................
Neighbours knew that we gonna away for a day...so they gave us support
. some of them promise to pass our flat and checking on the kids
. some of them promise to call and checking on the kids
. some of them pray for us
at last...just a day before my departure...
God strengthen me through my buddy...Elvira *thank you buddy!* i share with her and she gave me this statement
"if God gives you vision He will make you provision"
the statement came from the man that facing a challenge time: Ps. Kong Hee
and that wisdom wrap-up everything perfectly and just in time before i leave!
..........when i count on myself : i'm hopeless
..........when i rest in the Lord : i got everything that i need
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