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Monday, November 26, 2018


looking back to the past

one hot afternoon...the school’s bell just ringing and the kids made their way out from the school
Calvin approached me with frown in his face and i tried to guess what had happened

C : “I’m failed for Chinese”

He looked at my face intently and waiting for my response
I'm sure he scared of me more than the marks itself 😂😂😂
get scolding is not fun! at all!

me: “Well...Congratulations buddy! I’ll treat you lunch for that”

Calvin gave me the unbelievable look
He repeated his message to me slowly with a firm tones

C: “Mommy! I FAILED for Chinese!”

He didn’t take his eyes from my face

me: “Yeah i know...Let’s go for lunch at *Junction 8” 
                      *the mall near our place

Calvin still puzzled with my response...he tried different way to tell me...he lean closer to my ear and whisper the same massage

C: “mommy...i failed Chinese”

I whispered back to him

me: “i know”

Calvin followed me to the mall
I ordered his fave food and on the top of it i bought coke 
(the rule: soft drink only once a week and only on the weekend)

He looked at the food with a big question mark on his face

This is the meals for A mark! not for a failure!

me: “OK now listen...i’m sure you won’t enjoy your fave food and drink unless i’m telling you...why”

I looked at him eye to eye...

me: “Congratulations Calvin! the big deal is you failed! I’m worry if you success all the time”

C: —————

#1 Failure give an opportunity depend your life to God
#2 Failure teach you about your real identity are nothing without God
#3 Failure helps to
...reshape your heart from proud shape to a humble shape

Calvin’s face change...i guess for a good reason

me: “I thank God for given you the opportunity to experience failure”

he failed Chinese after he scored 100 for math at his report book...i can see how precious is the failure after the success colored his pride

Failure teach you a great lesson
Success gives you a pleasant taste of life

we need success and failure in our life!

If you are able to see failure from God’s side then you will be able to give thanks in all circumstances! rejoice always! ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

because you find a greater reason to be happy

the reason you give thanks
the reason you rejoice
no longer for success and failure...but GOD!

Peace that God gives have greater taste from the sweet taste of success and the bitter taste of failure

Calvin finally at “rest”
He enjoys his food and drink after all

it was not my failure experiences
it was not my life experiences
it was God!!!
who shaped me and changed me be able to give that "cool" response to Calvin
I don’t know how far this message goes into him
I don’t know how long this message stays in him
I don’t know how strong this message will sustain him

one thing i know...
i seized the opportunity to plant the seed:
. the seed of true identity
. the seed of pure peace

It is God’s part to lead his way to experience and understand God

He might experience another failure
He might fall in the face of failure
He might fail to rejoice always

after all...he need it! I need it!
maybe you need it too 😄😉

obedience is NOT the way to gain success
obedience is the way to pleasing God’s heart

Hello Mr. Failure!
nice to know you 😄👍🏼

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Thursday, September 27, 2018

a Notes for me to my ME

"Life begins at 40!"
Ever since I knew this quote…I’m looking forward for 40! 
I set my expectation for what will happen when I’m 40 and I work on it! 
study hard! study higher! 
joined the leadership training here and there!
Storing every experience that I think I need for my 40!
just to prepare ME for my 40!

In my dream…I am a successful career woman at my 40
In my dream…I have a list of material possession at 40
In my dream…I have picture of network that I have at 40
In my dream…I have a special lifestyle at 40
In my dream…I have many things to expect for
Oh, Yes! I’m so ready for my 40!

I’m 40 today!
And none of my dream comes true
Even that dream has been shut off many years ago!

I expect my life begin at 40 in MY WAYs!
I Thank God that it is NOT happening in that way…in MY WAYs!
It is happened in GOD’s WAY!

I’m 40 today!
I have no monthly income
I have no career path to climb
I have no great possession for my pleasure
I have no “atas” lifestyle

I’m 40 today!
I’m a wife
I’m a mother
I’m a sister to my siblings
I’m a friend to my friends
I have my family as my extraordinary possession
I have my godly family as my blessed community
I have my people on earth that living in Singapore as my street-network

As I am busy preparing me for my 40!
God graciously prepare me for my 40, too!
YaY! He is excited too! Just like me!

He registered me for His leadership training: not to lead people but to lead the Me inside me
(shaping me)
He helps me to grow my career path as submissive wife and wise mother
(a lifetime career)
He rewards me with peace and joy instead of tangible things like luxury material
(the peace invested richly to my mind and heart account)
He exposes me to pain and rejection to build my true-identity in Christ
(suffering well)
He brought me down to hopeless so in know that my only hope is in Jesus
He makes me grateful for every mistake that I commit so I learn to depends my life to Him
(repentance life style)
He positioned me in nothing to experience that Jesus is enough!
(I need nothing added to Jesus)
the greatest thing that happened in my 40 is My life begin without ME!

When Jesus replaced Me as the center of my life 

Life is no longer luxury physical
...but more in spiritually prosperity
Life is no longer projecting the world extraordinary
...but God’s rich in modesty
Life is no longer showing the greatest of wealth
...but the richest of peace and joy

Life begins at 40 and I thank God it is begins with Jesus!It is no longer about ME but about Jesus

Here I go...the sanctification and purification process continue...with Jesus

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Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Notes from Hospital

Anther Lessons from Hospital Ministry…

Year after year…
. I saw people crying over their health
. I saw people grieving over diagnose
. I saw the hopeless in the face of cancer

I found many blessed facts

#1 Those who grieve the most after diagnosed are those who have HEALTHY lifestyle

. eating healthy
. regular exercise
. good sleeping pattern
. less stress
. etc

They thought they deserve the best health!
when cancer strike they cannot face the reality!
Doctor find no answer on it!

#2 Those who have a grateful attitude will have their peace reserved during the storm

Yes, they are crying over the facts, they are scared too
But, they don’t quickly react to the circumstances by immediately changing the eating habit or sleeping pattern in
And, they are “cool” in the face of disaster

#3 Those who care so much about what they eat and drink, those who have so many “rules” for their health are those group of people who have a high risk of getting bad disease 

Doctor's advice: "be careful with what you put on your mind because it is far more dangerous with what you put in your tummy"

#4 NOBODY immune from every disease
. people with healthy lifestyle or doesn’t care about health at all
. people with close relationship with the Lord or distance from God
. people who take care of what they eat and drink or those who basically enjoy everything

Every kind of human being have a risk to get bad disease!

That situation speaks of my spiritual health
Praying . Reading Bible . Fasting . Serving God
Just like those people who live a healthy life doesn’t guarantee they won’t be sick

my spiritual commitment doesn’t guarantee I’m immune to all troubles!!!

In fact, God allows circumstances to come to my life for an eternity purpose
Through the storm God happing, moulding, transforming my character to be more like Jesus

#5 Healing is God’s sovereignty!
I witness 2 people having a bad disease
Giving the same effort
Putting the same level of faith
1 healed and the other one passed away
1 healed on earth and the other one enjoys the healing in heaven

Be grateful for everything: good and bad
Be thankful for everything
The “healthy” attitude that helps in every circumstance!

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Notes from Hospital

I learnt to be grateful on 4 things that I used to take for granted from hospital ministry

1. Eat
2. Drink
3. Passing urine
4. Passing motion

Those are the very first thing that doctor will ask every patient on the hospital bed in the morning

Those are the sign that the body still functioning well

Those are not important things for me *sigh

Most of the times…
I need nice clothes on my body
I want fabulous make up on my face
I need stunning shoes of my feet
I need awesome necklace on my neck
I need cute earrings on my ears
Or some good achievement

… to makes me feels good

Most of the times…
I’m not grateful for having the ability to pass urine
Passing motion seems like waste of time
Eating become tiring when I never lost weight
Drinking is just another routine

The uncounted hospital trips change me somehow

Now… I take time to say thank you every time I pass urine

Now… I whisper “thank you Jesus” every time I’m able to pass motion

Instead of anxious with the healthy food rules…
I’m more grateful for every food on my plate

Instead of rushing to fulfil the needs of my body…
I take time to pause and enjoy the moment how my body reacting very nice in the water that I drink

I found the rich of joy in the small little things 
I’m grateful for extraordinary in the invisible things

Those small & short grateful & thankful things help me open another list of great things that I take for granted in life…

. having a roof over my head
. water to bath
. hands and feet that functioning well
. mistake that I made
. bed for my body to rest well
. and the list continue

Once a while…
Instead of letting my mind fills with anxiety for this and that
…I take pause and be grateful for those things

Instead of occupying my mind evaluating somebody’s life
…I take time to count my blessing and be thankful for it

Instead of worrying about what will I have in the future
…I thank God for whatever I have NOW

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Wednesday, May 09, 2018

for my 11 years old boy


If I would have to choose
I would choose not to force you to wake up in the morning
I choose to seeing you enjoy your sleep

If I would have to choose
I would choose not to force you to do your homework
I would choose to see your happy face enjoy playing badminton

if I would have to choose
I would choose NOT to discipline you
I would choose NOT to screaming-scolding-shouting at you for your mistake

If I would have to choose
I would choose NOT to HURT you with my fear

If I would have to choose
I would choose to forget about the school and all those marks

If I would have to choose
I would choose you enjoy the life in the way you like



The world is NOT operating in that way
The world have its own system that we need to adjust to it

Mommy...with all I have in me
want you to be HAPPY

Happy does not necessarily you are always in fun-good-wonderful situation

Happy means your enjoy the good time 
Happy means your peace sustain you in bad time much as I can
I choose LOVE over my FEAR

I've tried with all my power and I will continue to try:
. to understand you when you makes me upset
. to love you when you make mistake
. to comforts you when you are in trouble

I put those action in 4 letters: LOVE

you may not understand LOVE in the form of scolding
you may not understand LOVE in the form of anger

what you feel now is hurt! pain!

that's the reason...

I bend my knees
I bow my head
lift up my heart to Jesus

only Jesus can help me
only Jesus can makes you understand

understand the LOVE in the form of discipline

scolding, screaming, angry is very tiring!
scolding, screaming, angry is very painful!

it is not hurting you only
it is hurting me even more
because I hurt the ones the I love

Please forgive me for all those things that
I have done that hurting you even now
when you read this and
you remember those day

Please release forgiveness for me

looking at you now

  • a responsible boy
  • independent
  • diligent
  • sensible       
  • caring
  • loving
  • soft-hearted boy

my heart filled with proud!
you are my favorite boy!

one thing that I desire in your life

you grow to love God with all your heart 
you planted deeply in God's word
your life pleasing God

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Wednesday, May 02, 2018


#1 Calvin always run to this spot every time he got the chance and enjoy “the free phone” as much as he can

#2 He always walks out from that place with happy face

i stopped him at this spot!
we both facing the shop

“Calvin can you imagine it feels when daddy buy for you one of that phone?”

after all these times...
after saw all your friends having fun with it...
after put your dream so long in the “dream box”...

it is in your hands! 
it is yours!

Calvin: “WOW! Mommy!”

I let his mind brings him to that happy moment
I saw his genuine smile show up
I know he is happy

after a few minutes 

“Calvin...the moment you bring the phone out from this phone...that's the moment you lose your FREEDOM”
“you are happily and voluntarily exchange your freedom to that phone

His face changed...
He didn’t expect it...

me: “Well...daddy and mommy have reserved your freedom up to this point... 11 years ... it might continue to 2-3 years...but it won’t be forever! someday you will have that phone!”

remember this: 
#1 enjoy that moment to the max when that moment comes to you! 

#2 it opens another door in your life: the door that exposing you to God’s grace and mercy...even more!

#3 I pray that when you lost your freedom, you will experience the TRUE FREEDOM in JESUS!