E.U.L.O.G.Y

all these years...

i don't like it
i feel that is useless

it creates inner vows in me...

i will only do eulogy after i express...
. my own "eulogy"
. my heart content
. my gratitude
. my apologies

to my parents!
privately!
very personal!


i want them to feel how special and precious they are in my life

...while they are still alive
...while they can enjoy the wonderful feeling being appreciated by me
...while we can share the most intimate love and bonding

my heart "alert" me about my personal eulogy since early this year when my father's condition dropped

we went back to be with him in the middle of March with the scenario and all the words in my mind...but...the atmosphere of sharing was not there...

i came back home with a heavy heart...
why didn't i do that?
do i have enough courage to do that?
should i do that?

i don't have an answer for all those wondering questions

only weeks after that i realize...

i forgot to ask God for it...
. ask for wisdom
. ask for good timing
. ask God to prepare me and prepare him

it brought me down to my knees and: REPENT

humble myself before Him and asking for His mercy and grace for that wonderful and intimate moment with my father

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early August we rushed back to meet my father again as his heart stopped beating for a couple of times

on the way there...i prayed:
"God i surrender all the plan i have in me to You...may Your will be done!"

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my father condition got better and the doctor allowed him to be discharged from hospital

my mom...our intercessor...pray is in her breath!
she always pray for whatever she does
pray before go hospital
pray after back from the hospital

so that day...after we brought my father home...i sat on the floor in front of my father as my mom say the Thanksgiving prayer

after that...all of the sudden...i felt the urge to express my feeling and gratitude to my father...

this is the time!

my father was tall . strong . big physically

but at that time...
he already thin and weak...he lost confidence in himself due to the disease that he suffered

i turned to him
brought his hand into mine
and he placed his other hand on the top of it

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Daddy...*then i started to cry*
these hands are old and weak...
these hands have lost its power...
but
these hands have blessed my life
you have been a blessing to my life

I am blessed to have you!

I thank God...i have you in my life!

I love you Daddy!
I love you sooo much!

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ah! i can't continue to penned down my words...

that moment...
. too rich to tell
. too wonderful to express
no word can describe only heart can feel!

i went down to his feet and apologies for all things then he put his 2 hands on the top of my head and i could feel his "unspoken" blessing flew into me

my father was crying hard...
those are happy tears!

Rebecca was there testifying everything and crying...she then rose up and hugged her grandpa and i joined them embracing each other in love

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that moment picturing God's love, mercy, and grace on us!

only Jesus can make those things happen!

our glorious and wonderful Jesus

He answered my prayer even more beautiful than my mind can picture it

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. what has been said
. what has been written

on the funeral eulogy

nothing compares to my private and personal eulogy delivered to my father that day

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this is too private and personal to share
but
i open it for you
i share it for you

do it now!

to your parents
to the ones that you love dearly

while they are still alive!
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