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Saturday, June 10, 2017


I transfer my energy from DOING everything for them to do everything for themselves

#1 it requires...

... greater energy
... greater patience
... greater understanding
... greater compassion
... greater perseverance
... greater love

#2 i learn to...
... make friend with the mistakes
... make peace with the failure
... make a good term with laziness

i transfer my energy from DOING everything for them to do everything from themselves

#1 it requires...
...greater energy
...greater patience
...greater understanding
...greater compassion
...greater perseverance
...greater love

#2 i learn to...
make friends with the failures
make peace with the mistake
make a good term with the laziness

#3 my daily menu has changed
it used to be physical activities then changing to emotional control and expectations management

just like today...

Calvin made a cup of hot chocolate then he just ignored the dirty table and continued to enjoy his drink

this picture gives me 2 options:

1st. clean up everything

this way used to be hard to deal!
not until I have the 2nd option

2nd. train Calvin to clean it

this means: apply the SOP...

1. calling him many times
2. showing - pointing - explaining his mistake
3. make him understand: that is his responsibility, not longer mine!
4. deal with his "anyhow" cleaning
5. make sure he understand cleaning as responsible

a few minutes later...

the same mistake happen
. at different places
. with different stuff

... repeat the SOP again!

option 2 makes me understand how easy option 1 was...but...i need ti move on

my super mom's mode has changed!

only and playing along with option 2

I prepare the children to run their own future!

option 1: the end!
option 2: ON!


I want to enjoy the battle before option 3 take place

now i can understand a tiny bit how God sees me when i sin against Him over and over again...yet...He showing His mercy and grace over and over again

I'm quick to anger but He is slow to anger

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Friday, April 21, 2017

Earthly (temporary) vs Heavenly (eternal)

2nd week of March

I was on Facebook when premier audition popped up and out of nothing immediately I  registered Rebecca for the audition. 1 hour later I got a phone call from a lady and she introduced herself as premier's people, I guess she is from State from her accent.

WOW! this is pretty fast! they must be a professional company *I thought*

She went through a brief explanation about the audition including the venue and time.

but wait a minute!
what am I doing?!?!?!?!

I'm just registered Rebecca to a very professional audition and it makes me scared!

Calvin and Rebecca joined Disney Asia's audition before and it wasn't like this. It was a very simple audition, unlike this one.

Actually, I can just kick out this anxiety by pulled Rebecca out from the audition, but somehow another "voice" told me: proceed!

I kind of agree with the second voice ... I have no intention to make these kids a star or any kind of it.
I see this audition as a very good opportunity for them to express themselves and gain confidence through the experience
I see no problem joining this audition, it is good instead


Torkis might have different view
Torkis might strongly against this audition
Torkis might be angry because I did it without his permission

oh! boy!

Those voices hanging around my mind for a few days until I gave up!
bowed down before the Lord and repent from every wrongdoing that I commit
confessed to Him that I'm scared! I'm helpless!
ask His guidance and wisdom to deal with this situation I had

God sent His 3 aid to my emergency situation...

1st aid:  ci Ani agreed for Joel to join the audition as well and she immediately registered for Joel as well *Phew!*

2nd aid: Rebecca liked it! Rebecca loved it! she is excited about the audition

3rd aid: at last, Torkis approved my audition-visa and he even helps to talk to Calvin so he joins the audition as matter how hard Torkis trying to pursue him, Calvin keeps rejecting it

bonus: until a few days before the audition...Calvin agreed for trying! *WoooHooo*

Thank you, Jesus for the aid+bonus that arrive on time!

1st April 2017: First Strike

Rebecca is excited, very high in spirit! she is so ready! while Calvin seems not sure about him to join the audition

We were waiting for our turn when Calvin told us that he withdrew from the audition *what?!*
Torkis then trying to encourage and convince him sharing our perspective of this audition
opportunity to gain experience
opportunity to gain confidence
opportunity to learn to overcome his fear

lose or win is not the issue!

he didn't buy all those things and stick to NO! *oh boy*

...I pray quietly...

I put my trust in You, Lord!

not long after that...Torkis signaling me that he is IN! *Thank you, Jesus, !*

we then proceed to the audition room and over there they have to do some acting with the Producer himself. He is loud and twisted the script a bit and they need to act along with him
He is in the news for beyond-border acting here

The moment Calvin stepped in...i hold my breath...he did it!!!


that's my boy!!!
so proud of him!!!

his eyes shine brightly and seem like he is happy that he did it!

The first round finished and they announced those who passed to the second round

Rebecca move on
Calvin didn't make it

Calvin head down shows that he was very disappointed *oh boy*

I thank God I have Torkis...He stick by Calvin's side and trying to address every issue due to the result

Torkis patiently and gently trying to lead Calvin out of his disappointment and see the good side

He is ok at the time but something is not settled

we didn't know...God planned on something
something great!

First Strike!

7 April 2017: Second Strike

Rebecca joined the Storytelling Competition at school on 3rd April and selected as the TOP 3
students from every level joined to competition and they paired up to do the storytelling while Rebecca chose to be a single-fighter
She beat all contestant even from upper primary and won the 1st prize *WoooHooo!*

Today, the TOP 3 presenting their story to the whole school

She is very confidence and presenting it very well!
She owned the stage! that's what her teacher told us

we are so proud of her!

Everyone praising her
Everyone shower her with praises
Everyone talks about her

at the other corner...

Calvin doomed!

the girl sits next to him, turned to him and say this
"you are lousy! your sister better than you!"

Second Strike!

Torkis and me aware of the situation that he had in him
but we chose to take time and hold back and let him learn to handle it
but actually, we are helpless!
we need to take time to pray too!

early days..we simply thought that it was only an audition and it turned out this way...

my heart is crushed for him
my mind shut down and I can't think of anything
the only thing I know is I'm helpless!

I cried out to God
I'm begging
I'm knocking
I'm banging heaven's door
...for help

nothing happened!
no aid delivered this time...

seems like God want me to learn to rest in Him

my anxiety makes me not aware that actually, God is working!

at night after the competition is badminton time! fun time!
it is a playing, running, screaming, joyful time for the kids

Saturday evening, we had another round of fun time at water park-Graden by the Bay
the kids had so much fun, more than the night before...they went straight to bed after we arrived at home

Sunday we spent the whole morning until early in the evening at church then we met Benny and his family for dinner
Fun seems doesn't want to stop with them

9 April 2017: God's Deliverance

We went back home exhausted for having fun time 3 days in a row
The kids did their homework then we gathered for praying time

Calvin completely forget about all his disappointment and humiliation until we prayed

Rebecca started her prayer with thanking Jesus for His mercy and grace on the Storytelling Competition
Calvin says a short thankful prayer

after prayer we made them sit down and talk

you've done a great job!
we are very proud of you!
you work hard for it and you deserved the 1st prize

you are great in the eye of people around
Calvin is great in the eye of the Lord

both of them shocked with the statement!
Calvin suddenly lift up his head and looked at us
Rebecca put a big question on her face

everyone talked about you
it takes only 1 week for people to forget about your achievement
Calvin did something that makes heaven singing

3 years back...

Calvin was bullied, kicking, punching, terrorized by a boy
the small little Calvin have to carry 2 lunch box every day to share with the boy
that lunch box not only contain food but love as well
Calvin share God's love to the boy who makes him suffer

He suffer but he never complain
He is willing to go through all the tough time for the boy understand about love

after 3 years

the boy and his family now attending church regularly

everyone in the school praising Rebecca
everyone acknowledge how good and confidence Rebecca is


nobody in the school knows about what Calvin have done
nobody praising him for what he has done
God knows!
God acknowledge!
God remember!
heaven rejoice and singing for a family come to know Christ!

Psalm 19:1-4 
The heavens declare the glory of God;the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth.their words to the ends of the world.

it's good to have an awesome achievement in this world
but to do eternity work far more important than that

do you still remember what is Jesus' food on John 4:34?!
Jesus' food is to do God's will
that kind of food satisfy your soul

this year we learn about the Gospel of John at BSF

if someone says you are lousy for this and that
you don't need to response to them
you need to tell yourself

I'm created in the mighty hands of my Jesus
I'm created to do His will


Calvin face changed
something shines brightly in his eyes
he changed in the way he sees  himself

Rebecca changed as well
now she understand what is the important thing


to change them
to put understanding in them
...only God can do it!
...Praise Him for His wonderful work in our children's life

and as for us...

we were trying to encourage Calvin in many ways
but it seems that our efforts hit the wall
it doesn't move Calvin at all


when the truth is spoken
when the word of God is shared

The power of the Lord moved and changed his heart

Thank your dear Jesus! The True Living God!
You alone deserve the honor and glory and worship!

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 

4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

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Friday, January 06, 2017

The Richest of Modest Life

the year 2016...

my GOSPEL journey brought me to experience a new life in Christ

#1 when I learn Jesus is the only source of my joy
... every great thing was taken out from my life
... every earthly-great-thing
... I experience great loss
... I experience broken life
... I start to enjoy being nobody
... I start to enjoy having nothing
... I learn to be happy in a very simple way
... less and lesser reasons for my happiness

... Humbleness more and more I gain only through a broken life in Jesus!
... nothing else!

#2 when I learn His word is the source of my confidence
... I deal a lot...greatly...with harsh and demean words
... I deal a lot..greatly...with praising and admiration words
... I experience rejection, misunderstood, being taking advantage of many things
... I experience emotional roller-coaster that broken me into pieces
... I experience losing every right that I have
... I experience being at the wrong time and place all the time and doing many wrong things
... I experience boldness in Christ despite all my wrong doing through repentance
... I draw strength from His words
... I experience His words comes true in my life
... I'm more willing to submit to His will
... I'm more willing to trust in His way
... I'm more patient to wait for His time

... I learn to grow my identity in Christ

#3 when I learn about my sins
... I experience my sins expose in many different ways
... all the-hidden-sins come out more and more
... I'm surprised by my own sins
... I more open and easily acknowledge my sins
... I more willingly to confess my sins
... I more willingly to say sorry at times when I think I'm right
... I more aware that I'm hopeless without Jesus
... every relationship problem exposes my sin and teach me to repent

... the repentance lifestyle grows in me

#4 When I learn about His grace and mercy
... I experience hopeless life
... I experience broken life
... I learn that my life only depend on His grace and mercy alone
... I more and more count on His mercy and grace
... I learn to forgive beyond my mind and heart agreement
... sanctified and purified my worship to Him

... I learn to boast in Jesus alone

#5 When I learn about Jesus' love
... I experience being broken and His love healed me
... I experience His great love at times when I can't forgive myself
... I experience that He never forsake me in my disaster and chaotic life
... I experience shameful in many ways but Jesus never failed to smile on my shamefulness instead of mocking on me
... I feel like having a new glasses
... the compassion grows in me
... I more willingly to help despite rejection-skepticism & accusation
... I more willingly to goes beyond my border to help

... His love never fails me even though I'm failed
... His love never rejects the filthy sinner-me

for me...
modesty is impossible out of my Jesus
humbleness is fake and temporary out of my Jesus
His love is great in all of my weaknesses!

the year 2017...
I'm exciting for LIFE of MORE of HIM and LESS of ME
I want to enjoy the richest of modest life

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Wednesday, December 07, 2016

my Papa and my Father


Christmas is around the corner


This is the first time I’m scared of Christmas
This is the first time I feel like to skip the most wonderful month of the year
This is the first time Christmas struggle me in my mind and my heart

All of these years...
I never fail to  expecting-enjoy-rejoicing in Christmas for many reasons. Last year was great! around this time I was on my way to home...after so many years spending Christmas in other places...other than my home-my heart filled and full of joy.

This year...
every hope
every joy
every fun
every Christmas thing
...seems to fade away
...looks dim in my sight
...sound weird in my ears

I don't know...I'm scared to Christmas would be? 


That's because of you are no longer with us 


I'm struggling within me
I'm fighting against me


I don't want this suffering to overwhelm . overcome . defeat me 


for 1 reason: my JOY is in the LORD alone!


only God and God alone is the source of my joy


I can feel the pain is real
I know it beating me down


I don't want to give up my joy for the lie that evil put in my heart!


The joy  of Christmas is not in my Papa
The joy of Christmas is in my Father 



This Christmas will also a wonderful and joyful time!
even more!

knowing that...

my Papa is in eternal joy and peace with my Father in heaven


Merry Christmas Papa! 

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Thursday, October 20, 2016

Ezekiel 36:25-29

My gracious Lord!!!