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Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Big Bold Prayer

our journey with the Lord in the year 2017
we experience God in the new different level
and this time...we experienced Him with our children

Beginning this year...

Pastor Guna Raman, our Senior Pastor at Agape led us to pray our BIG BOLD PRAYER throughout the year

here is the sermon's highlight for me...
i will share more of the sermon in this posting...

2 dangerous of asking in prayer
1st. not asking at all
2nd. asking selfishly

the most important thing:


I went back and thinking over and over again about the BBP...
it was really got inside me!
I wanted this!
I wanted to experience this!

even though I knew I want it so badly but I have no idea at all about "what" and "how"
I pondered on what am I supposed to do with it

....I didn't know what to pray for
as i searched through hidden-unpacked-leftover folder...surprisingly i had so many to pray for but i had ignored them all these times *sigh*

Sermon remarks: Why did Jesus teach us the Lord's prayer?! because we don't ask ENOUGH!

... I can't pray all those things on my list
i started to sorting-examine-consider and even speculated about what to pray for
it must be short!
i must be focussed!

Sermon remarks: It just get worst when you don't pray about everything!

ah! how could i forget this message
i was too busy with my own thinking
*unpacked everything again*

...I didn't know how to pray
I pondered on how to do it over and over again but still, I couldn't find the best way

It took 2-3 weeks for me to contemplate on it...
I could sense that i wanted to so badly!
I wanted this!
i needed this!
I must do this!

but HOW?!

Sermon remarks:
If you quit without praying: you are disconnecting from your God!
You going off track by not asking!

OK! i'm IN!

Pastor Guna brought us deeper into BBP through the sermon series...
i could feel that something real!
something precious!
just that i couldn't capture it yet!


One Sunday morning in the church...TING! i got it!

Journey with the children
I must journey this with my children *kinda weird way ha* but that answer satisfy me! completely!

ponder stop!
praying start!

I started to ask (pray) for it...
my mind started downloading and projecting the steps of doing it

. I bought colourful and cute paper+envelope (the kids love it!) from Daiso (cheap)
. I prayed over it

One good evening...
I gathered the children at the dining table
shared about the BBP
led them into my excitement

I asked them to choose 3 prayers requests
they came up with things like toys, books, holiday etc
...seemed like they also got my struggles
...the prayer must be short for them as they just started to learn how to pray

"God i need Your wisdom to guide them"

my radar detected that Holy Spirit was just opened my mouth and uttered the words

... if you are given a chance to choose 3 things
... i'm sure you won't waste for something that less important
... ask something that your parents can't provide for you

Let's us learn to trust the impossible to the Most Possible God that we worship

How mommy?!

Let me show you mine

my B. B. P
HuaHuaHuaHua *they both laughing*

me: what?!
them: it's been years mommy!!! it never goes down!!!

me: so now you know what is impossible!


Finally...they came up with 3 prayer requests

The battle belongs to God

we sealed the envelop and together we laid hands on it and pray!

a few weeks after that night...
on family night prayer...

Calvin: Jesus i pray that i will get straight A in all of the subjects *long pause*

he turned to me and whispered *as if Jesus was in front of him*

Calvin: but mommy...i'm always failed in can i get A for it?

Sermon remarks: cynicism is the air we breath: suffocating our heart and destroy our prayer
pray against every cynicism Psalms 23 even in the presence of my enemies i can enjoy my fest 

then everybody opened their eyes...

me: *pray for God's wisdom*

me: Calvin...all these time you were on your own...counting on your own wisdom and you must allow God to do it for you!

the battle is not yours anymore! it is God who will make it happen in you!

your part is you need to learn to trust Him!

Calvin seemed to accept my explanation...he continued to pray without doubt in his mind
i think somehow he could feel the freedom to perform anything since the battle belongs to God

in facts: I need that truth too!
i need to learn to trust God!
I need to pray against my own cynicism!

The Bad Beginning

end of last year...Calvin's Chinese tutor resigned as she wants to proceed to her new career
we were crushed! it was difficult to find a good tutor for Calvin
Calvin has a bad experience with the male(old) teacher, the tutor very fierce, scolded him every time, banging the table, threw his worksheet to the floor and to the point that i have to stop the tuition with that tutor...

I didn't want to put him in the hotpot again...
i prayed and prayed...and kept praying
i searched around for tutor but it seemed like God closed all doors

at the time...
I had to take care of aunty Elizabeth (Denny's mom - oma 2)
hospital's trip around the clock made me helpless for Calvin
i prayed and prayed...i kept praying for him because that's the only thing i could do

i prayed and prayed...and kept praying
i searched hi and lo for a tutor but it seemed like God closed all doors
He wanted Calvin to journey by himself
so i stopped the search for a tutor

when i stopped searching
i prayed harder

i prayed and prayed...
i kept praying for him because that's the only thing i could do

in my mind...
i rather trust my kids to God instead to a fierce tutor!

well...i knew the truth but it is not easy at all...far from easy!!!

Calvin brought back his exam schedule for term 1...
normally...i would put exam schedule on the wall for them to see it
normally...the big exam scheduled at the end of the exam period

at that time...Term 1, Science written test was scheduled as the opening of exam period *1st time ever*
      at that time...Torkis had a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy surgery
at that time...aunty Elizabeth was hospitalized so I didn't realize that exam has started

Calvin came back from school with a frighten face told me that it was Science written test
he didn't aware...
he didn't prepare...

the nightmare came true when he got the result: failed!

He cried for his Science
I cried for my bad mistake

Thank God for Torkis who stood in the gap
He brought Calvin to the room and talked to him then brought us together to pray for it

This was a bad beginning

Pastor Guna in his Prayer Sermon said: 
when we really not sure if God really answer our those time many of us resign from prayer and we go off track 
even nothing happen when you pray: Pray anyway!
what is the balance to keep the good prayer: keep asking!

Praying Reading Bible
Hospital trips daytime
went back home and took care of Torkis
cooking + house chores
and only left a short time to take care of my children

altogether affected my health...i was sick for 2 weeks
i was barely moved my body and lay down powerless all day long
i remembered i wrote 999 on the paper and asked the kids to call to that numbers if i fainted
"don't call daddy because daddy might in the meeting and his phone is in silent-mode"
it took another 2 weeks to recover

my level of helpless' level dropped beyond my ability to control *this is the problem*
my level of faith rose up beyond expected *this is God*

sermon remarks:  
while helplessness fuels prayer, prayerlessness fuels anxiety

anxiety cannot relax in the face of chaos, the way to conquer anxiety is go back to prayer!!!

every time we gathered for family prayer...we prayed for our BBP! even though the beginning had shown us that it's gonna be tough

God knows i need help
God moved me to do praying-reading Bible

in the morning...
before the kids step out from our house
I blessed them with Numbers 6:24-26

24 “The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.

and Philippians 4:13

I believe Calvin and Rebecca can do all things through Jesus who strengthen them

i prayed this prayer until the last day of school

when we walk to the bus stop
when the kids doing their homework
when we do our house chores together
when we relax
when we were on the way to somewhere

every now and then...we chanted Psalm 25:4-5

Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

Add caption

I posted all of them around the house
the place that we use all the time: living room

every time they use computer

near the door

the children study table

Chinese & Science Breakthrough 

I had only 1 choice at that time:
threw the kids to the pond and
let them swam by themselves

They had no support for me in every form
I had to close my eyes on everything that brought me down
anyway i was at the lowest point already

I was trying harder to stand firm and the only source of strength was the dependency on God for every single step!

Sermon remarks:strong Christians pray more because the are more in touch with their helplessness

i prayed and prayed
i kept praying the end of term 2

Calvin: mommy i passed my Chinese
me: yeah! hi5!
Calvin: it is not the good news
me: so what is the good news?!
Calvin: only 3 passed the exam in my class
me: WoooHooo...time to celebrate!

celebration for us is very simple...
#1 lunch at food court instead of home
#2 they could choose their drink instead of water

during Parents-Teacher-Student Conference...
we learnt that Calvin got 80 for his Chinese *wow! the highest mark so far*
Calvin's laoshi told us that Calvin is promoted to Higher Chinese
we were shocked and happy at the same time
please take note: He did it without support from home tuition

Calvin was hesitated to take the promotion
so we made a deal
he tries to go for higher mother tongue lesson
if he feels like it is too tough for him
the door of the normal tongue is open for him to go back


Science needs more than a good needs: Scientific English!

let's see what we have:
1. mommy's broken English
2. helpless son

with that...
i prayed and prayed
every time

one day when i passed Popular Bookstore...a word came to me: COPY!

I went back home and asked Calvin to the "copy review"
. read and understand the question
. copy the answer that provides at the back of the book

at the end of term 2
He is one of the top scorers in the class
98 for Science

Praise God for who He is!

back at home...
we teach the kids to worship Jesus for who He is

we add Psalm 103: 1-5  to our praying-reading Bible

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

as the time goes by...prayer became more like "hex" for Calvin
Calvin prayed use the same word every day
He did as fast as he could
He just did it for the sake of doing it

Sermon remarks:
Prayer is never meant to be duty-based or merely results-oriented
Prayer is like a stroke! after you came out from a stroke you want to share about it but you can't talk
our natural deep desire to pray comes from Godour inability to pray comes from the fall
we struggle learn how to pray because we FOCUS TOO MUCH ON PRAYER and NOT on GOD

my heart was troubled!
i could sense something was wrong
i needed to do something with it

i used to take everything into my hands and with my own wisdom i dealt with the circumstances but now that i'm old...i have experienced many things that teach me to count on God

i prayed and prayed
i kept praying

i prayed and prayed
every time

I needed your wisdom, God!

one night before we did our family prayer
God moved!

once again...i just opened my mouth and uttered His wisdom

me: Calvin...God shows me something! it is something bad about you and I've been praying for it
it is in the way you pray!
you pray just for the sake of doing no longer talk to God!

Torkis then continue to help him to understand what is wrong

sermon remarks:we feel prayer is something that we must performing fact...prayer is make a relationship with God more that a conversation with God

Torkis: are nothing without God!

you must understand that God is the source of every good thing in your life!
you must know that we need to honour God
we are living by His grace and mercy

then teach him the elements of praying that he learnt from one of the seminars in Agape

with that Calvin back to track!!!

one night as we pray...

out of nothing...Calvin pray the sinner's prayer

"Jesus...i know i am a sinner! i'm the undeserving! i'm not worthy! I need your grace and your mercy in my life..."

Torkis and I were choked and shocked with his prayer!

Sermon remarks: The only way to come to God is by taking off any spiritual mask.The real you has to meet the real God...because He is a person!

This is GOD! A Living God! 
no one can do this to Calvin!

one afternoon...before we took a nap
I showed them Vera Jones' testimony about her blind son

Jane said: Then I began to write with a fever, and a muse, and a passion I had never experienced before. Out of me, in about 40 minutes came this entire story about this woman who was hanging out with these two knuckle-headed friends, one named Worry, one named Doubt, and as long as she was hanging out with those two friends, her whole world fell apart. Until one day, she passed out and when she woke back up, there was this new friend named, Faith. When she started hanging out with Faith, her entire life improved

the kids' touched by the testimony
then I led them to pray right after that

Calvin: "Jesus...i know i am a sinner! I'm the undeserving! I'm not worthy! I need your grace and your mercy in my life...i don't want to make friends with doubt and worry anymore! i want to have faith in You!"

then he continues to pray for his BBP as usual

tears went down my cheek!

I know that was You, Jesus!

Composition Breakthrough 
English breakthrough...please click here

Acknowledge God
God moved again!

one night after our family prayer...

me: know very are helpless with your compo...i can't help you with your compo...the teacher are hopeless to teach you...

if today 3 of your compo posted on your classroom...that is God's works in you!

me: Calvin and that you know you are nothing without God! every good thing that happens in you is from God...i want you to learn to acknowledge God's works

God told us in Psalm 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

we need to acknowledge His good works in our life

children: how we do that mommy?

me: when you sit for your exam and you found that 1 of the question is very difficult and you don't know the answer..then suddenly the answer came...that is God!

when you got 100...that is God!
when you can pass your Chinese: that is God! knew that it is impossible for your compo and now you compo posted on your classroom as the best compo...that is God

every time you think of all good things and achievement in your life...tell God: that was You, God! Thank you, Jesus!

in God's way!
in God's time!

Term 4 is the final term!

the kids pray as hard as they work

Calvin brought back his result

Math: 88 (He used to get 98 at least)
English: 96
Chinese: 72 (this is good!)
Science: 94

we knew that his Math pulled him down

I'm crushed!
Torkis down!

all along we were praying for 5A but now it seems that 5A banished from our hope

Monday, 6th November 2017
2 days after Calvin brought back his result
in the evening when the kids were playing at the playground

Torkis led me to the bedroom then we both praying

i don't know why...but i want 5A! and i don't want to spare my hope for other options!

me: Jesus...

there's no basis-no foundation for my prayer
there's no justification-no vindication in my prayer
there's no demand in my pledge

I just ask Your daughter!
that know You are my Father that can do everything for me
that know that my Father will granted my prayer

Bapa! please hear my me! answer me
This is Ria...your, daughter...asking from you Abba Father

since Monday...

i prayed and prayed
every time

even harder than before...

Thursday, 9 November 2017

morning...i did storytelling at school until 10 am
me and my sister went for coffee time and sharing until 1.30
then we went back to school to fetch the kids

Calvin at the bus stop: Mommy i got 5B!

i was broken into pieces
i lost my balance
i tried harder to compose myself and face the reality

i knew very well at the very moment: don't turn to God! because i will pour out my emotional feeling to Him...all the WHY(s) that might hurt i texted Torkis instead

immediately he ran out from his office and called me

he was as broken as me

Sermon remarks:The most powerful testimony Christians have is not the fact they live on high victory all the time but their relationship with God sustain them even when their worlds collapse 

on the bus...

Calvin: mommy i'm ok with 5B
then he turned his face down and it slaps me in the face

time to turn to God for repentance!!!
Immediately i went to God

me: Jesus! Jesus! Please forgive me! if my selfish request destroys Calvin...
i'm sorrrry Lord!
i'm OK with 5B too, Lord!
I ask you, Lord! Pleaseeee Help Calvin! don't let him down!

i was cried out when Torkis called and he wants to talk to Calvin so i hand over the phone to Calvin and continue to pray...i was so deep in prayer that i can feel anything surround me

WHAT?!...suddenly my sister scream in the lift and it pulled be back to the earth

Calvin with the phone on this hand told me and Torkis (on the phone)

Calvin: actually i got 5A!

immediately i dropped on the floor and crying...

Calvin reached out to his bag and pulled out his report book and gave to me
as we arrived at our home...i opened his report book and saw 5A

the second time i dropped down to floor and cry
my sister captured the moment with her phone

a flashback...

Calvin did well on his P2...term 3 he was on the top 3 but he got a bad result on term because we were reaching out to the lost the time i thought God will granted wisdom to do well in his exam since we were working on the field during exam day to reach out to the lost...but God doesn't work that way...he went to 3B instead!

Sermon remarks:Often times when God doesn't answer a prayer,he wants to expose something in us

that experience made us knows God in a different way
that experience humble us
that experience made our life depends on Him more than our experience


at last...

we opened the envelope


Calvin's Big Bold Prayer:
1. I will no. 1 in the level
somehow he added to that prayer that he wants to get straight A in all of the subjects

He got 3As (Math+English+Science) and 1C (Chinese)

2. I will have carefree year
Calvin experienced the can be seen in the picture

He hates to take pictures
He hates to smile on the picture

Look how he changes at the end of the year...
carefree is given to him!

3. I hope I will be a winner in the contest/competition I take

Calvin got Rebecca's prayer: Core Value Award (Courage)
Rebecca got Calvin' prayer: She won Storytelling Competition


I'll share about Rebecca's BBP at the other posting
I don't talk much about Rebecca...
She follows Calvin's path but she has another issue to dealt with...i'll share about her the other time

Rebecca's Big Bold Prayer:
1. I will no. 1 in my level in the year 2017
she also followed Calvin's pray..she prays for straight A

She got it...
1st. Straight A for all subjects
2nd. She is one of the top achievers in her class

2. I got core value award

Calvin got Rebecca's prayer: Core Value Award (Courage)
Rebecca got Calvin' prayer: She won Storytelling Competition

The Storytelling competition requires student to paired up to do it...but Rebecca chose to be a single fighter...surprisingly...she got the top prize~

Rebecca delivered her storytelling about Thai people
while her 2 friends (Cheng Feng & Austine)
help to act according to the story


3. I will go to 3A next year

Yes, she will!

The Overwhelm Joy: Jesus is enough!
It's been days since we knew the result
The atmosphere changed

we are too happy to ask for anything else
we are too happy for bad things to make its way to us

we experienced the meaning of: Jesus alone is enough!

The True Worship

after Calvin experienced God...
on our family night prayer

Torkis: Calvin...remember! it is God who helped you! humble yourself
Calvin: NO Daddy! NO! God didn't help me...It was God who did it!

Calvin acknowledges God beyond what we can teach him

Torkis and me
after we experienced God
Torkis and me down on our knees and praise God!

Calvin might get those academic result without experienced God
It is impossible for us to make him experience God

He is 10 years old yet he can understand and experience God's truth in his life
It is planted in his soul
nobody can take it from him

Sermon remarks:
Until we are convinced we cannot change our children's hearts, we won't take praying for them seriously

Be REAL to GOD! 
God your Father will bring you from PHYSICAL needs to HEART needs

Only You and You alone can do this in Calvin's life
We give you honour!
We give you glory!
We give you glory!

Sunday, 12 November 2017

I cried since the first worship song...i cried harder to the point that i can't sing!
i know my spirit is going very deep in worship
i started speaking in tongue

after 39 years
prayer after prayer

This is the first time i experienced an answered prayer in such personal ways

I stood there and thanking God
for allows me to experience my Abba Father hears me..answers me...satisfy me!
for allows me to experience the feeling to be His daughter *it is soooo real!*

i was like a little girl that over excited after getting the gift that i desire for sooo long

it was like a dream
yet it is real

no words in the worship
just a heartfelt


Calvin and Rebecca...
if later on in your life, you come back to this point
and read through this posting
remember that we worship a Living God
the source of everything
and Jesus alone is enough for us

Hi buddy! *hi5*
We did it with God's grace

Let's us continue to do Deuteronomy 6:6-9

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.